Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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