There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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