Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
