peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
