My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I love you. Go after that dick
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
