I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
