I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
