i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh god it's open bar.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
