i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
