Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
