Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
