Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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