How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
