Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
