Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
