Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
