I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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