who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
