Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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