can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You ruined the universe
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
