You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
