I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
