Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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