I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
