We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
