I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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