kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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