Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
