Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
