I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
