I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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