Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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