I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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