watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
