well you can't waste a boner
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
