Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
