im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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