I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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