Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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