Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
