yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
