Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
