i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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