My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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