I want to stick my p in your. b.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
