why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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