My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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