so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
