I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
