when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
