if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
