That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
