just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
