Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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