What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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