hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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